Back again, BHD . I apologize in advance. This is going to be choppy because I’m on vacation and working off my phone.
The most important thing is to put yourself, as far as possible, in the mind of the person reading your letter.
Show you have done your research:
Is this letter for an advertized position, or is it is a fishing expedition to multiple venues?
From your mention a qualifications list, it sounds like it is a known position. However, in your letter, other than this mention, there is no indication that, if this is a known position, you have taken enough interest in the proprietor/manager or gallery to reasearch and address it/them directly.
Maybe I am just old, but if I got a business letter headlined, “Hello, my name is …,” rather than, “Dear Ms. Barclay,” I would be put off. Using my name shows you bothered to learn my name and are addressing me directly, not the universe in general.
A line about how your background or interests relate specificly to the types of work usually featured in the gallery, rather than just stating qualifications (which should be in your resume) would be more meaningful. It would also show that you took time to research my gallery and write a letter crafted just for me. This would matter to me if I were the gallery owner. Someone who did that would stand out in my mind compared to an applicant who didn’t do this.
Respect me, my time and my intelligence:
Speaking as the gallery owner, I don’t know you. I am not your friend. My role in life is not to fulfill your dreams. I hope you will be happy enough in your work that we will develop a long-term relationship. But I will be paying you to serve the business. Please do not be familiar and chatty with me until such a time as we do become friends.
I am busy. Be as brief and efficient with words as possible. I want an employee who is efficient, conscientious, engaged, intelligent, courteous, honest, well spoken and knows enough about what we are selling that we are not starting from zero. I can read about your background in your resume. What is not in your resume is your character. How do you show me your character (enough that I want to interview you) in as efficient a manner as possible?
Assume I am a cultured person. This letter has to be perfect. If I see grammar errors or typos, I will have to assume you either don’t know any better or didn’t care enough to pay attention to detail. Neither conclusion impresses me.
“Well. 10pm. Must walk dogs, then to bed,” she wrote, defying the laws of grammar.
I hope this helps.
Meg
